January has stirred me up and turned my world upside down.
In the middle of winter, in the middle of dark nothingness I got a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel.
I have started this month off dedicated to face my fears of working as a doctor. I have been doing a kriya (on most days) for courage, started DIs (deep imagenings from To Be Magnetic) and dedicated myself to examine why I’ve been feeling so much resistance. I have also been working through some of my family dynamics in therapy (partially related to this topic). All in all, I’ve put a lot on my plate.
Then as a good 4/6 Generator would do (Human Design lingo), I also started seeing more and more people, as I tend to be presented with opportunities and new insights when I talk to others.
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I have always liked to remind myself that ‘everything’ can change in a matter of a day or an hour or less. That nothing is truly granted and we never really know what life has in store for us.
In the past weeks many things have shifted. Life has shown me that I should keep daring to dream as big as I can. That those visions in my head are there for a reason. It hit me first of all how lucky I am to even have those visions, how rare and precious they are. I have realised how blessed I am to have this fire burning inside me to make a change.
It takes time to bring these visions to life of course, but when they come, they come full force. ‘Get really good at waiting, but when the time is right, don’t hold yourself back’ - as I have read once…
Life decided to show me that in fact, my biggest fears are intimately linked to my dreams. My largest fears of all are not related to burning out by my career, they are related to nourishing my body through my work and being my healthiest, most fulfilled self; they are not related to staying single and independent forever, but showing up to the inner work that comes with a relationship; they are not related to the fear of being understood or seen but to the opposite, shining my light and showing my true self. Life showed me it is time to focus on my dreams in order to face my fears.
As Marianne Willamson says in that famous quote of hers: ‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.’
I came to the conclusion that it’s time. It’s time to show up for myself and choose my visions. I have also reread ‘Untamed’ this month which is one of the most inspiring books I have ever read (I show you a glimpse of it down below). As Glennon wrote - ‘I hope the rest of your life is your idea’.
I have spent a fair amount of my life fighting against my body, my studies, my emotions - with physical symptoms, frustrations. I want to experience how it feels for once not to just push through a certain period or healing a symptom, but to fully focus on living up to my potential.